朋友之間產生大大小小的摩擦是在所難免的事情。遇到問題或矛盾，最好的方式是及時溝通，防止問題進一步惡化，但這類談話並非易事。怎樣才能有效地與朋友溝通，以化解矛盾？本文介紹幾個在困難對話中能用上的談話技巧。
詞匯：problems with people 人際關系問題
Sometimes our friends’ behaviour can offend us; sometimes we can see changes they need to make – but how do we tell them? Are there any ways to make difficult conversations easier?
It’s important to have solid evidence that there is indeed a problem. Evidence that can be agreed upon makes it easier for other people to recognise issues. Once you have proof, it’s important to highlight how it impacts us and others. Psychologist Andrea Bonior suggests framing problems with ‘I’. Saying ‘I feel hurt that you spend less time with me’ is less accusatory than ‘You never spend time with me!’ and is focused more clearly on the impact.
Staying calm is vital. Becoming tense might lead you to react badly and cause an argument. Bonior recommends that you should acknowledge the conversation could make you anxious. If you think about this yourself, it can help you focus on positive results. If you admit your anxiety to your friend, you will show a more human side. Another psychologist, Laura Brennan, points out how it’s important that we let go of our ego and don’t focus on the need to be proved right. This can help reduce tension.
We can lower the potential for conflict by listening to the other person and asking questions. Many experts recommend planning your words, so that you can say things in a way that avoids conflict. However, Bonior cautions against overplanning as this can stop you being flexible enough to genuinely follow and participate in the discussion.
Be realistic. Complicated problems are unlikely to be solved with one conversation. Consider what is possible in one discussion, and that it may be harder than you initially thought. This will help you to set realistic goals for what you can achieve.
詞匯表
behaviour 行為
offend 得罪，惹惱
problem （須解決的）問題
issue 問題
impact 對…產生影響
frame 表達，說出
accusatory 指責的，譴責的
calm 沉著冷靜的
react 對…作出反應
argument 爭吵，爭論
anxious 焦慮的，不安的
anxiety 焦慮，不安
ego 自我
conflict 沖突，爭執
overplanning 計劃過度
discussion 討論，交談
測驗與練習
1. 閱讀課文並回答問題。
1. What makes it easier for both sides to identify a problem?
2. How can you make something sound less accusatory?
3. Why should you stay calm?
4. What is the benefit of admitting your anxiety to your friend?
5. Why shouldn’t you overplan what you want to say?
2. 選擇意思恰當的單詞或詞組來完成下列句子。
1. Sometimes you have to challenge your friends’ _______.
discussion impact conflict behaviour
2. Your _______ can mean you need to be proved right.
discussion ego calm offend
3. It can be good to admit your _______.
anxiety conflict argument ego
4. A bad relationship with a friend can have a huge _______.
issue problem argument impact
5. Find a positive way to _______ problems.
react offend frame behave
答案
1.閱讀課文並回答問題。
1. What makes it easier for both sides to identify a problem?
Having solid evidence makes it easier to identify problems.
2. How can you make something sound less accusatory?
By expressing your concerns using ‘I’ to show the impact on you.
3. Why should you stay calm?
You should stay calm to avoid an argument.
4. What is the benefit of admitting your anxiety to your friend?
It helps you show a human side.
5. Why shouldn’t you overplan what you want to say?
Because you might not be flexible enough to follow the discussion.
2.選擇意思恰當的單詞或詞組來完成下列句子。
1. Sometimes you have to challenge your friends’ behaviour.
2. Your ego can mean you need to be proved right.
3. It can be good to admit your anxiety.
4. A bad relationship with a friend can have a huge impact.
5. Find a positive way to frame problems.
免費試聽
填表領取25分鐘真人外師課＋英文程度分析
