有時，即使我們自認為已經真心實意地道歉瞭，卻依然無法得到對方的原諒，甚至可能適得其反、把關系弄得更僵。那麼，怎麼做才能讓你的 “apology（道歉）” 更加真誠？哪些道歉方式更容易獲得他人的原諒？本文淺談道歉在人際交往中的作用以及如何更好地向他人道歉。
詞匯：apologising 道歉
1 Apologising is one of the first relationship skills we’re taught as children. “Say sorry to your friend for stealing his toy”, “Apologise to your mother for being so rude!” Children often apologise because they are told to by adults, regardless of whether they mean it, and the recipient is often told to forgive, regardless of whether they feel it. But the skill of making a heartfelt, genuine apology must grow as we become adults if we want to nurture healthy relationships.
2 Dr. Aaron Lazare, psychiatrist and apology expert, says a good apology should have four elements. The first is to acknowledge the offence and admit that you have wronged someone. Next, there’s an opportunity to explain what happened, without excusing yourself – in fact, it’s sometimes best to simply say, “There’s no excuse for my behaviour.” The third step is to express remorse and show that you understand how the behaviour has impacted the other person. Lastly, offer to make amends. If the mistake involved physical damage, have it repaired. If it involved emotional pain, promise to be more sensitive in the future.
3 Research shows that an apology is more effective when it is more costly to the apologiser, whether that’s in terms of money, effort or time. For example, a study called ‘Do sincere apologies need to be costly?’ found people were more convinced by an apology if the apologiser had to inconvenience themself in order to deliver the apology. For example, if that person made a journey to say sorry, rather than just waiting for the next meetup. A 2025 study called ‘Sorries seem to have the harder words’, found that people use longer words when apologising than when they’re not apologising. It also found that people perceived apologies with longer words as more apologetic than apologies with shorter words.
4 So, be sincere and own your mistakes, remembering that forgiveness can’t be forced – the other person has the freedom to forgive or not to forgive. But what’s better: harbouring guilt for the rest of your life, or taking that weight off your shoulders?
測驗與練習
一、根據文章內容選出正確的段落。
Which paragraph contains results from studies?
二、根據文章內容選出正確的選項。
1. What does the author imply is wrong with apologies made by children?
a. They are often not genuine.
b. They don’t take responsibility.
c. They blame the person receiving the apology.
2. Dr Aaron Lazare believes a good apology involves excusing your behaviour.
a. True
b. False
c. Not given
3. Dr Aaron Lazare believes you should always apologise for hurting someone, even when you don’t think you’ve done something wrong.
a. True
b. False
c. Not given
4. What do we learn from the research given in the article?
a. Apologies are more effective when they are costly to the apologiser.
b. Apologies are more effective when they contain longer words.
c. Both.
5. In paragraph 4, what does ‘it’ refer to in the sentence ‘It also found that people perceived apologies…‘
a. the study
b. the scientist
c. the apology
三、用下列單詞完成對本文的總結。
If you have 1) _______, the first step is to acknowledge it and 2) _______. In order for your apology to sound convincing and 3) _______, you should show genuine 4) _______. You can explain yourself, but make sure you don’t 5) ______, or it can sound like you want to shift the blame.
own your mistakes
remorse
offence
costly
wronged someone
excuse yourself
sincere
（答案見詞匯表後）
詞匯表
forgive 原諒
heartfelt 衷心的，誠摯的
genuine 真誠的，真心的
offence 冒犯
wrong someone 不公正地對待某人
excuse oneself 為自己開脫
remorse 懊悔，悔意
make amends 賠禮道歉，作出補償
costly 代價高昂的
apologiser 道歉的人
sincere 真誠的，誠懇的
inconvenience oneself 給自己帶來不便
apologetic 表示歉意的
own one’s mistakes 承認自己的錯誤
harbour 心懷、背負（某種感情或想法）
take the weight off one’s shoulders 卸下重擔
答案
一、根據文章內容選出正確的段落。
Paragraph 3. It begins with ‘Research shows…’ and includes results from two studies.
二、根據文章內容選出正確的選項。
1. a. Children often apologise because they are told to by adults. The fact they are told to apologise by adults implies the apologies are not genuine.
2. b. False. Next, there’s an opportunity to explain what happened, without excusing yourself.
3. c. Not given. In the article, we are given Dr Aaron Lazare’s tips for how to give a good apology, not when.
4. c. an apology is more effective when it is more costly to the apologiser. Another study found that people perceived apologies with longer words as more apologetic.
5. a. ‘it’ refers back to the previous sentence: A 2025 study called ‘Sorries seem to have the harder words’.
三、用下列單詞完成對本文的總結。
If you have wronged someone the first step is to acknowledge it and own your mistakes. In order for your apology to sound convincing and sincere, you should show genuine remorse. You can explain yourself, but make sure you don’t excuse yourself, or it can sound like you want to shift the blame.
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